Perhaps you have heard about Divorce Mediation and have questions about this method of divorce. The following information answers many of the questions I am commonly asked, and may be helpful in deciding whether to try Divorce Mediation. For more information or to schedule a Divorce Mediation with me, contact the National Conflict Resolution Center at 238-2400 x220.
WHAT IS DIVORCE MEDIATION?
It is a completely out-of-court process for making your own divorce decisions
jointly with your spouse, with the assistance and guidance of an experienced
mediator. The mediator’s role is not to make decisions for you,
but to inform you about the decisions to be made and help you both communicate
enough to reach agreements.
WILL
THE MEDIATOR DO THE PAPERWORK?
A mediator who is an attorney can do all of the paperwork for you, including
filing the Petition, assisting you with your required financial Disclosure
forms, and writing the Marital Settlement Agreement, which contains all
of the terms of your divorce. The mediator files it at the court.
WHAT
DOES IT COST?
Commonly, Divorce Mediation costs $2000 - $4000, depending on the issues
involved in your case and the time it takes to discuss issues and reach
agreements. This cost represents two steps: First, the parties are usually
charged an hourly rate for the mediation sessions: typically $200-$400
per hour, depending on the mediator. Then, a lump sum is charged for preparing
court documents, primarily the Marital Settlement Agreement which is usually
$1200 to $2400, depending on the issues involved.
WILL
THE MEDIATOR DECIDE WHAT’S FAIR?
No. In mediation, the mediator’s role is to assist the two of you
in deciding for yourselves what is fair. However, a mediator who is trained
in the law and in child development issues can provide both of you with
information about the law and what others have done. Once you are informed
of the legal standards, then you can decide if you want to vary from them
in your case. You actually have more flexibility than a judge has, if
you both agree and reach a written agreement. However, you are advised
to speak with a separate attorney, accountant, and/or other professionals
to help you feel confident that you are making the right decisions for
yourself, before you sign the final Marital Settlement Agreement.
WHAT
DECISIONS DO WE NEED TO MAKE?
There are three basic areas to address in a divorce: 1) Parenting Plan
(custody and visitation); 2) Division of Assets and Debts (house, vehicles,
retirement accounts, credit card debts, etc.); and 3) Monthly Support
(child support and spousal support, if any). There are many decisions
to make within each area. Other issues can be raised and considered in
mediation, even though they might not be considered if you were in court.
ARE
EMOTIONAL ISSUES ADDRESSED?
Emotional issues may be recognized, but they are not the focus of divorce
mediation. The focus is on making the necessary decisions so that you
both can move forward in your lives without getting stuck in the court
system in a costly and adversarial divorce. However, your emotional issues
may be addressed to the extent necessary to make decisions. Experience
has taught many divorce mediators that focusing on emotions often is counter-productive
in mediation. If these issues need addressing, you are advised to individually
or jointly see a therapist.
WHAT
IF WE ARE STILL LIVING TOGETHER?
This is increasingly common in our current economy, where housing costs
are so high. It is often helpful to start Divorce Mediation before making
any decisions about the house, who is going to move out, or if you are
going to sell. By first jointly discussing options regarding your parenting
plans, monthly support, and the overall asset and debt division, you can
both get a more realistic idea of where you will decide to live in the
future.
WHAT
IF MY SPOUSE IS A JERK?
You do not have to like each other or communicate well to use Divorce
Mediation. You just need to be able to sit in the same room together and
take turns talking without interrupting. The mediator should manage your
discussions so that you both feel safe and heard. However, if your spouse
is physically abusive, hiding assets, or simply cannot listen to opinions
different from their own, Divorce Mediation may not be appropriate. Ask
an attorney or therapist if mediation is right for you.
WHAT
IF MEDIATION DOESN’T WORK?
It appears that nearly 80% of couples who start in Divorce Mediation remain
in mediation to finish their cases. However, 20% or so drop out and go
to court. By trying mediation first, they often narrow the issues and
may even make some agreements. Since mediation costs much less than litigation,
there is little risk if you try mediation first. You may also consider
Collaborative Divorce.
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